


Variables

by Zorthain



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Lot More Crying Than Cannon Levi Would Do, Also just to complicate the storyline let's make it so there's like next to no technology, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Our World, Cheating, Heartbreak, Hm what else can I do, I don't wanna get sued sorry, I know I'll make dead Marco jokes!, Multi, Ok that was a lie otherwise you'll all cry for half an hour, Somewhat, Sorry Not Sorry, everyone is grown up, not really actually there's no iphones or anything, probably smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3280955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zorthain/pseuds/Zorthain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can dream about variables, count the stars in the night sky, calculate the movements of entire galaxies, solar systems, possibly even other worlds filled with life we don’t know exists. Wonder how we exist or don’t whether it’s all imagination and in our heads, or if it’s real. Conjure up ideas of all-powerful god who created us, or the idea we all started with an explosion that will someday implode.</p><p>And yet, the variables remain.</p><p>Because, of course you can dream, but the geniuses, philosophers, and absolute madmen would all tell you the same thing; the variables remain variables. We will never know some things, and we never should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**THE** fresh air was streaming down through the leaves above him, his glasses glinting in the moonlight, making the metal and plastic seem like diamond. The only problem was that the constant flickering irritated his eyes, but after a few minutes, he didn’t mind anymore. There were bigger fish to fry today.

The alley he walked down was fairly busy now, but in a few hours it might be emptier. Of course, even this late at night, the streets of Turkey were alive. It was only two, maybe three in the morning, but even children would stay up until well past midnight. The gentle sound of waves licking the salt from the harbour walls greeted him behind the noise of the bustle of people as he emerged onto the main street. He brushed the branches out of his vision to get a better look at the scene.

Restaurants shimmer with their open air seats and tables, but no one is ordering food. Instead, many people are drinking a special tea made specifically for this time of night. A small child chasing after a stray darts in front of him, her mother running after her in an almost comical imitation. A man ties up his boat on the docks, then greets his friends before accepting a pack of cigarettes. In the midst of it all, a glowing area illuminated by fake tiki torches and old lamps is filled with people. Hundreds upon hundreds of tiny booths are set up in neat little lines. Just like toy soldiers, everyone has their place. Several street vendors sell things such as cotton candy or other sweets, and nearby, the beeping of an outdoor arcade adds an interesting harmony to the rest of the sounds. The smell of corn, smoke, and cheap liquor is strong and hangs in the air, thick enough to cut it with a knife.

A cat rubs up against his leg and purrs. Half of its right ear is torn off, and it has a smug expression on its face tonight. He reaches down and scratches it a moment before combing his hair back with his fingers and finally making up his mind. The gentle _swish_ of his trenchcoat around his feet almost startles him when he steps out into the swirls of color and heads towards the midnight market. Blood pounds quickly through his ears while the clack of his shoes come closer to the bazaar of strange and shiny items. This was his first trip into the market itself, and he wanted it to be perfect, wanted to see every nook and booth, pass every piece they had to offer through his hands.

Nothing was going to ruin this opportunity to find what he has been looking for for so long.

∞


	2. Lullaby

**LEVI** sipped at his tea and stared angrily out the window. It hadn't bothered him before, but the market had been especially loud lately. The happy noises of people mingling together floated through the glass, only making him scowl and draw the curtains closed. Granted, it was a summer night, but it was also four in the morning, and some people wanted to sleep. The bustle should have at least been slowing down by now.

He barely moved when he heard the sound of the cat flap at the door, and the tawny grey tabby nuzzled against his feet.

"Hello Luca." It purred and rubbed its face up and down his legs. Taking a moment, he leaned down and wound his tail around his hand, petting his back with the other. Luca rumbled even louder in approval. The cat had a mangy look about it; he had never really had an owner, and he only stopped by Levi's for the occasional scraps of affection, by all means something Levi enjoyed as well since his own cat had died. Patches of fur were missing, and his right ear had been torn in half some time ago, but to Levi he was still gloriously beautiful with his crescent-moon stripes that ran down his legs, and the white river that streaked down his back.

He peeked through the curtains again, and there seemed to only be more people than before. Weirdly enough, he knew none of them. The semester had ended less than a week ago, but his classmates had already hightailed it for the beach; or in Hanji's case, back to Bodrum to visit the family. Levi snorted, if there was any reason to visit Bodrum, it wasn't family. The whole town was basically a nightclub.

Sighing, he gave up and wandered back to his bedroom, closing the door to shut out the noise. The only sound coming through the other window was the lapping of the waves at the shore. Levi stripped off his shirt and shook it out a little before he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

His chiseled body shone in the moonlight drifting through the blinds, and he ran his hands down his stomach. To his pleasant surprise, an unexpected set of abs were faintly pushing through the thin layer of flab. He flexed a little, but the effect was lost once he realized he had next to no arm strength. Maybe he'd start working out.

Huffing contentedly, he changed into a pair of shorts and climbed into his bed. The distant music and vague smells from the market were still audible if he strained his senses, but overall, it had become much more quiet. And anyways, it wasn't as though he had anything to do tomorrow, he could sleep in a little. It was still summer for another five or six weeks no matter how you cut it. 

Curling inwards, he nuzzled his head into a pillow and allowed the sound of the ocean to lull him into a deep sleep.

∞


	3. Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An average day for Levi.

**SUN** poured through the window like a golden curtain, separating dreams and reality. The quiet hum of the outside world buzzed contentedly, and Levi pulled himself even tighter in his sleep, trying to shield his eyes.

The gentle breeze flicked his hair back and forth across his face, and beneath their lids, steel-blue eyes stirred faintly. Blankets kicked to the side, he shivered in the frigid morning air before slowly regaining consciousness. Blinking drowsily, he sat up and rubbed at his face.

The clock beside him read 6:47 AM. Even though he'd fallen asleep less than three hours ago, he was somehow completely refreshed.

He blinked again twice to clear his eyes of their overnight glaze, then glanced to the left. Luca was nowhere to be seen, but silver hairs and an indentation in the pillow told him enough to know he'd been here not too long ago now. He stretched lazily, planted his feet on the floor, and shuffled to the kitchen.

Hanji would have killed him for it, but since his roommate wasn't here, rather than boiling something real, he settled for the electric kettle and an English tea bag. He was still half asleep, and much too lazy to bother making any kind of coffee.

Without thinking too much, he put down a few scraps on the floor; to which Luca briefly darted out of hiding to snatch, then scurried under the table again.

Smiling a little now the caffeine had started to hit him, he began fixing his own breakfast, the door to the fire escape wide open and attracting all the flies for miles around. He probably shouldn't try to swat them with the kitchen knives, but since when had that stopped him? Another unfamiliar cat appeared in the doorway as well, this one brown and orange like a puma, with bright green eyes. A dusting of spots ran across his hindquarters, and one large dark patch covered about half his face.

Luca arched his back and hissed faintly, and the opponent seemed to shrink a little. Territorial behaviour was common among strays. If looks were anything to go by though, this one was much younger than any other stray he'd seen.

Levi clicked his tongue quietly and petted Luca, but he still stood on his toes, his fur fluffed outwards. "Quiet now." The other looked reluctant to come closer as it was, and stood somewhat shellshocked in the doorway. He put his hand out, causing Luca to start spitting, before he tapped him firmly on the head. "I said quiet!" he scolded. Luca calmed down a little and lowered himself to the floor, though he still glared angrily towards the kitten.

It didn't more for another few seconds, until precisely as drew his hand back. It scrambled over and began rubbing up his arm, all fear lost. He scratched it a little, then stood up. Taking five cold cuts out of the fridge, he put two down at one end of the room near the door and two at the other. The last one he put in the middle and closed the sliding glass door, standing back to watch what would happen. Worst case scenario, the catflap downstairs could serve as an escape route for the smaller one.

Almost instantly, the two cats darted after the food, One silver streak towards the corner and one muted brown to the other. Despite the size difference, they ate at the same speed, and had barely finished the first two before circling around the last piece.

Luca growled and spat, baring his teeth, and the other one scuttled backwards into the corner where Levi was observing silently. Instead of beginning to wolf down the food, Luca seemed genuinely confused that the smaller haven't reacted aggressively.

The cold cut lay forgotten on the tiles as he sniffed him over, the kitten standing rigid as a cardboard cutout. Unexpectedly, he went back to the centre of the room and took the meat in his mouth, then trotted back and dropped it in front of the other.

Levi smirked at the two cats on the floor, not exactly enchanted with each other so much as cautiously tolerant. That was fine, they didn't need to be best buddies. He patted each, and was met by two purring bundles of fur rubbing up against him and each other.

"So, that wasn't too hard, was it?" Levi asked. Luca was too preoccupied with licking at his hands to get any extra salt off them. Now that he'd come to think about it, the other cat was going to need a name too. He would have to think about it a little. Maybe Furlan? Ha ha. No.

"I think.. hm." He puzzled over a few ideas before coming to a vague conclusion. "How about Eren?" he asked, half expecting a reply. The only reaction he got was a pair of glassy green eyes looking him up and down.

Levi rubbed the newly dubbed Eren on his neck, and went back to making his breakfast. He opened the screen but he didn't seem to intend to leave right away.

∞

The curious little kitten followed him around the house while he scrubbed every reachable surface, until around midday he shooed him down the stairs and out the door for getting hair everywhere. Luca had disappeared hours ago, but he knew they'd both be back in a matter of time. Instead of going back inside, Levi took his sweatshirt and old bags from beside the front door and closed it behind him. He was running short on groceries, had been for a couple of days now in fact. 

Though it was boiling outside, he didn't so much as roll up the sleeves. He used to joke about being immune to cold back home; now he was immune to heat. You couldn't find a decent ice rink anywhere in Turkey, forget people who could skate. On the other hand, you didn't have many white sand beaches in northern France by comparison.

He locked the door behind him and began down the main street, stopping at various stands until his bags were overflowing, albeit his wallet a bit lighter. That was another nice thing, each euro was about three or four lira, sometimes more.

And his parents had been wondering what could _possibly_ be appealing about studying here.

After nearly tripping up the stairs several times, thanks to the amount of weight he was carrying in way too many bags, and his pigheadedness to not make two trips, he set everything down on the table and began sorting through.

It was approaching late afternoon by time everything was done, but he probably had enough food to feed a small family a week. _Or two cats and myself for a few days,_ he thought jokingly. He brushed his palms off on his pants and opened the balcony door. Fresh air blew in, and the soothing chirps of cicadas echoed in the background. He grabbed a book and sat outside on the floor, feet handing off the edge, while the horizon changed slowly from bright blue to glaring orange and mauves. Somewhere in the middle, Eren wound his way up the fire escape again and into his lap.

Nothing was more perfect than the days of summer.

∞


	4. Midnight Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi meets Erwin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise this'll be a longer chapter guys. Also, little note, most of the time, they're speaking Turkish. If I specify it's another language, then it's just for the section it concerns. I may also specify the switch back after like I do in this chapter.

**EVERY** night was the same. People rushing by his window and under his balcony on the way down to the harbour, people being loud and unruly and dirty, leaving trash and grime everywhere. It wasn't so much he disliked night as it was he didn't understand it. What he would have been glad to snooze through, others here preferred to while away by chatter and shopping, and occasionally miniature parades, hundreds of them gathering and dancing in the square. He had tried to count them once, but the whirling dresses and sharp cut suits melded together and turned into one colossal headache.

Not that he had been complaining, it was spectacular to watch.

But right now, while he was scratching his puma behind the ears, he would have preferred it to be quieter, silenter, something at least mildly more peaceful.

Groaning, he picked up Eren and put him on the floor, despite loud _mew_ sof protest. He paced in a circle around the room, then wandered to the windowsill overlooking the sea. 

They were all there tonight as usual, laughing and shouting and running in every direction, almost overlapping so quickly he couldn't discern one person from the rest. He sighed and slouched forward, index finger tapping at the wooden frame.

It had been a few days he'd been thinking about it, about the same time since Eren had appeared. Since then, he also hadn't seen Luca whatsoever, probably the old hairball's way of getting back at him through spite. He'd been laying his ears flat on his head whenever Eren was around, and one day, maybe a week ago, he'd just disappeared.

It worried him more than it should really, he knew Luca would come back. The only issue was that speck of nagging doubt, suggesting he was dead or in some worse situation, though both were unlikely. Still, Levi had trouble sleeping with those thoughts; even with a certain little puma nestled into his chin.

He sighed again and closed the screen on the window, heading towards the door. Eren was hot on his heels, as usual. Levi glanced backwards, then picked him up and put him back at the top of the stairs.

"Stay," he tried. Eren cocked his head inquisitively, and sat down. He was almost too cute to be real. "Stay," he repeated, and slowly walked down the stairs. Eren turned his head to the other side, but otherwise didn't move.

"Good," Levi breathed, grabbing his sweatshirt off the hook. He watched the kitten intently as he closed the door, making sure he didn't try a last minute escape. The click of the bolt sliding into place echoed through the hallway, where Eren sat tentatively, not sure what had just happened, but somewhat certain not to move.

∞

He wasn't sure what he was thinking, he didn't like people, or bright lights, or anything this might concern for that matter. He shivered in the evening air, and huffed a long breath, steam faintly seeping through his teeth. It was colder than he was used to.

_Tsk. And you used to be the king of hockey._

He shuffled along the empty road towards the growing lights and sounds, thinking mostly about if he might find Luca down here. He was too preoccupied to notice the number of people in the street was steadily increasing the closer he got.

Suddenly, he realized he was completely surrounded. His breathing grew shallow and fast as his mind raced ahead of his feet, directing him to the darkest corner he could find. Sweat beaded at his forehead, and the _whump_ of his heart matched the quick click of his boots on the pavement. He tried to sidestep into an alley to escape the noise-

-and bumped into a tall, blonde, with an obnoxious trenchcoat and bushy eyebrows, just as he stepped out of the shadows. 

"Uh?" The man looked slightly confused, his glasses knocked askew. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. Here." He smiled and offered him his hand. It took a moment before he realized the stranger was speaking English.

Levi brushed away the hand and stood by himself. 

Chuckling, the man said, "Or not. Are you alright?" 

Levi didn't answer, instead he only met his eyes with a dead stare. He looked away and grunted something that sounded vaguely like "..'m fine." The last thing he wanted to do was reveal his horrific accent.

"Good," the man said, readjusting his glasses to sit straight on his nose, reflecting glints or the moon. "Are you certain though? You don't look too pleased right now, all hunched over in your sweater."

Levi seriously considered saying how tacky the black garment he was wearing looked on him, but bit his tongue. "Yes, I am sure." Something about this man had a familiar aura he wanted to escape.

"Alright," though it didn't look like he thought it was alright. "I guess I'd better be on my way then."

"Yes," he replied bluntly, before walking off into the crowd again, this time more cautious to not freak out and run people over.

The harbour, in its full nocturnal glory, shone with a resonating sense of money. People were selling and buying, children tugged at the hems of their mother's dresses for cheap toys, and the air was clogged with, well, whatever people could burn badly enough to make it smell so terrible. Stands lined up in rows, five main aisles dividing them, but each booth selling something different. From what could be seen, the setup followed no specific patterns at all.

At first glance, there was nothing special, and he was questioning why he came down again, before noticing a stand selling rings. Curiosity stabbed at him, and he wandered over to inspect them.

Each was nothing like anything he'd seen before.

They were engraved, and rather than studded with jewels, small dragons danced across the surface, while on another a whale swam peacefully through tiny waves. Ravens plucked the eyes out of a carcass, and dwarves carried gold down dark tunnels on their backs. He turned each ring over, observing its story. A slender man sat behind the counter, eyeing him suspiciously. Levi calmly switched rings on and off his fingers to see which fit him.

"How much?" he asked in Turkish, holding up a black one, while a  serpent swallowing its tail grinned at him.

The owner's eyes lit up at the foreign accent, and was quick to reply. "Ten."

"Four," Levi countered

"Six."

"Five."

"Deal."

He held out the bill and the shopkeeper grabbed at it greedily. Fitting the ring on his index and twirling it, he walked off. Not a bad start, but there had better be more interesting things than rings here.

∞

As it turned out, there were many things more interesting than rings. He found himself still there an hour later, not having spent any more money, but seriously considering it.

The sword gleamed in his hands, but the price bothered him. Even in lire, 175 wasn't cheap. 

On the other hand, the silver glimmer had him mesmerized.

"...I'll take it," he said slowly. It almost hurt, how light his wallet felt after he'd payed and strapped the sheath into his belt.

"You have excellent choice," a deep voice rumbled behind him. He whipped around, and the blonde bastard was smiling over his shoulder.

He was almost to stunned to reply. "Do you not speak Turkish? The guy here is going to rip you off!" he hissed under his breath, then his eyes narrowed. "Were you following me?" he said in an accusatory tone.

"Maybe. Maybe we both appreciate the same things. Which would be better?" The stranger held up a sword, inspecting it, and bent it to see if it was springy enough.

Levi rolled his eyes. He tucked his belongings into his satchel, besides the katana that hung loosely on his belt. He didn't even know why he'd bought it really.

This time the stranger spoke in choppy Turkish. "Lira, how many?" he said, gesturing to the sword.

The shopkeeper scowled before answering. "Three hundred."

He was digging out his wallet when Levi suddenly protested.

"That's double what I paid!" he exclaimed in disgust.

"Shut up, kid," the shopkeeper whispered, accepting the three bills casually. "Some of us need to make a living."

"You're not going to let him get away with it, are you?" he asked the other man in English. 

He shrugged, walking off with the sword in hand. Levi stumbled to catch him. "Some things aren't worth fighting over." 

Levi grew frustrated. "But he cheated you!"

"Wouldn't be the first time.." He looked amused. "Since you're so worried about my finances, I was going to get some tea, would you care to join me?"

Levi was quiet a moment.

"..What kind of tea?"

"Whatever you want."

"And you or I pay?" he asked skeptically. "How do I know it's not drugged if you pay?"

The man chuckled again. "Well, you don't I suppose."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "What's your name?"

"Erwin Smith," he said.

"Erwin.." Levi repeated under his breath, then mumbled, "..Levi."

"Hm?"

"I said my name is Levi. Rivaille-Ackerman." Steel met blue for a moment, before Erwin's eyes crinkled into a smile.

"Nice to meet you Levi."

∞


	5. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi makes a mistake.

**IT** was late. Far too late. Erwin had to be somewhere tomorrow, he'd just wanted to get in and out of the market, get what he'd needed and go. But he couldn't even find it, not the stand, not the owner, not the item, anything. 

The sword stand however, had caught his attention, or, more likely the short man standing there.

He was so cute when he was drunk. His cheeks flushed and eyes started batting wildly each time he touched him. Erwin could practically feel his heart rate increase when he'd heard him moan. He knew neither of them would remember it the next day, so he let himself go, sucking his way down Levi's jawline, leaving a set of teeth marks by his ear. 

Levi moaned again, this time trying to pull away from Erwin, but he swept him up off the floor and carried him up the stairs.

"Which one is the bedroom?" Erwin asked.

"Last door on the right.. Erwin please," he breathed between kisses.

Sidestepping a cat sleeping at the top, he moved down the hall silently, his tongue too preoccupied with exploring Levi's mouth to bother talking. He opened the door carefully and set him down on the bed. Stripping off his shirt, he smiled as he heard another small whimper coming from Levi. He was fiddling with his belt impatiently, and Levi took him by surprise, knocking him over and flipped him onto his back. It was strange, the small man dominating him, his eerie poker face leaning down to kiss him now, arms pinned above his head.

"You didn't expect me to to be submissive, did you?" he slurred into his ear, making Erwin shudder. "That would have been stupid." He paused after every word, taking a moment to run his fingers down his leg. Erwin writhed under him and felt like he was shrinking inwards, while Levi's hand snaked further and further up along his thighs.

He was definitely missing out on work tomorrow.

∞

Levi's eyes fluttered open. There was something on the bed behind him, weighing down the mattress, but he simply assumed it was Luca, his brain too tired to remember he'd been gone a week and definitely wasn't fat enough to add that much weight.

Forcing them shut again, he rolled over and tried to sleep, when whatever it was in his bed murmured something.

"Levi.."

His eyes snapped open.

The memories were fuzzy, and the pounding headache wasn't helping, but it was all slowly coming back to him. 

The offer had been too good to refuse, and gradually, tea had turned into beer, both of them drinking an obscene amount. Of course, being "responsible", Levi had tried to remain slightly sober, though that approach had gone down in flames quickly. He remembered some of Erwin's scandalous comments too.

The world around them had blurred with every sip, he could barely make out the bartender's face By the end. So he'd agreed to let Erwin walk him home.

The minute they'd stepped over the threshold, he'd been pressed against the wall and kissed until he was dizzy from it. He could feel his face turning red again at only the memory, shivering to try and shake the feeling of pleasure off.

He remembered seeing Eren mixed in with the other blue-gray memories, curled up and sleeping in the same spot he'd left him. He remembered the feeling of Erwin's tongue sliding into his mouth and making him moan erotically. He remembered being pushed down on the bed, gentle hands undoing the buttons on his shirt while someone sucked at his collarbone.

And then he remembered nothing at all. He seemed to have reached an impenetrable wall of black, he had no clue what had happened next, though the indications were clear.

"Nnhrg... Levi." 

Levi rolled over over and looked at Erwin more closely, their faces inches away on Levi's tiny cot. 

He looked strangely preyable in his sleep, fists clenched to his rigid chest, his mouth open a little, snoring peacefully. His facial muscles relaxed, giving him a faraway look.

Levi swore under his breath, this was _not_ alright. He'd just fucked some random guy out on the streets, knowing next to nothing about him. It's not like he hadn't done something like this before, but usually he did it when he was sober, with the lights out and soothing whispers pressed to his lover's ears.

And, another minor detail, normally said lover was female.

Rubbing at his temples, he began to wonder how he'd gotten here again, before noticing Erwin was stirring. He turned away quickly and feigned sleep. Maybe he was only out to have sex and leave in the morning. Hopefully. He closed his eyes and waited for him to leave.

He felt the weight on the bed shift as he sat up, and yawned loudly. He couldn't tell what Erwin was doing for a few seconds, before spindly fingers pushed the hair back from his face. Erwin made an amused sound, and Levi felt his hand stroking his face before two feathered kisses landed on each of his eyelids. The weight on the bed shifted again as Erwin scooted to the edge and stood up. Levi almost wanted to open his eyes and sneak a look, but didn't risk it. Instead, he listened to him getting dressed, the clink of his belt buckle the only noise he could catch.

He didn't move for five or so minutes after he'd heard the door close. Cautiously lifting his head, he saw his clothes were in a heap on the floor too, but he didn't bother to put them back on. 

Wandering out in the hallway, Levi picked up a pen, clicking it absent-mindedly as he headed for the kitchen. He passed by the stairwell going down to the door-

Erwin's coat was still there.

Which meant that- 

A blonde head poked out of the kitchen, smiling. "Good morning Levi," he grinned, before noticing he was naked. He pushed his glasses down and peered over the brim curiously, wrinkling his nose. "Interesting choice of clothes you have there."

" _Do not look at me!_ " he wheezed, not bothering to even try and conceal his accent. He scrambled back towards his room and closed the door, dropping the pen along the way. Pulling on a pair of shorts, he sat down and wiped at his brow. 

This complicated his situation considerably.

He pushed the door open, and walked back to the kitchen, where Erwin had already set up and started cooking. It was incredible he hadn't noticed the racket he'd been making before, but he'd assumed it was the neighbours. After all, the walls were paper thin.

Levi's eyes widened in apprehension of this thought. 

"Uh, Erwin?" He looked uncertainly at his back. ".. what happened yesterday?"

"I would have expected that to be self-explanatory, considering we both woke up naked in your bed," Erwin said, shrugging the question off.

"Yes, but," Levi felt his face flush a terrible red. "I mean I want specifics." He had to make sure the whole neighbourhood hadn't heard them.

Erwim turned around, an apron he'd dug out of who knows where comically stretched across his chest. He ticked off each thing he said on a finger. "Well, let's see. We bumped into each other in an alley, bumped into each other at a sword stand for some reason, I offered you tea, you got us drunk, I walked you home, where you invited me inside, and we had noisy, obnoxious, sex for about thirty minutes, before falling asleep," he finished lamely.

"Wait, _I_ got us drunk? That's impossible," he scowled. "I don't drink unless offered."

"Well, it happened." Erwin laughed a little. "Not to say it ended up being a bad thing."

Levi put his head in his hands, embarrassed and ashamed.

"Levi?" Erwin asked, pulling his hands apart. He pressed his lips to his forehead.

"Do not touch me!" he growled, reminding himself of Luca and Eren's fight.

"Levi," Erwin whispered, eyes full of confusion-or was that pity?-before tilting his head upwards and kissing him more passionately. He almost protested, then gave up and let himself fall into it, tears dragging down his face. "Don't cry please, then I'll cry," he joked.

Levi paused for a second, before looking up at him. "How can I not cry, I'm not, I didn't-"

"Alright, so you're not gay, but please don't say you didn't want it. Because you most certainly did want it, even if you regret that now. I'm not like _that_." Erwin's face was stern as he hugged him against his chest, to which Levi reacted by pulling away. He wiped at his nose and regained his composure, eyes streaked red, but still menacingly emotionless. 

"Alright."

"You'll feel better after breakfast," Erwin noted. He put a plate of nachos and eggs in front of him, pulled out a chair and sat at the other end.

Levi wasn't sure how to react. He cautiously bit into a piece of egg. It was rubbery and overcooked, but still better than he could have made. The nachos lay forgotten, the corner of one halfheartedly nibbled away.

"Are you not eating those?" Erwin asked.

"No." He hadn't had nachos before, but he was fairly certain they weren't breakfast food.

"May I?"

Levi nodded, staring vacantly out the window. Eren jumped into his lap purring, but he didn't even notice.

There was too much on his mind right now, too much for even a whole day of thinking to solve. He got up slowly, then reached for a sponge and began to rythemically wipe the table. Erwin pitched in and began cleaning the dishes off. He scrubbed at every stain until they faded away, then took out a mop and wiped at the floors. Neither of them spoke.

Finally, when the tension had built up so high he could almost hear it buzzing, Erwin checked the clock, put the last dish in the pile down with a clink, and walked out of the kitchen.

The front door slammed, and Levi let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. Looking back to the table, he noticed a slip of paper, the numbers _489-0283_ scribbled hastily on it. Underneath that, someone had written _I'm sorry. Coffee sometime?_ He smiled and groaned at the same time. 

On the one hand, he wasn't interested. On the other, he was way too interested for his own good.

He gripped the two corners and began twisting it, but stopped when the first tear appeared. Sighing in submission, he rolled the paper over twice in his hands before sliding it into his pocket.

Because, to be perfectly honest, he _wanted_ to know more about this Erwin Smith.

∞


	6. Descisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hanji and Petra (kind of) show their faces.

**HE** spent another half a week chasing his tail around in circles. Levi was freaking out internally. Every time he tried to sort himself out, it ended with him in a dark corner of his mind shaking violently. Finally, Hanji had come back from her trip to her parents, giving him a distraction. After two days though, he needed to find something else, otherwise she would definitely notice something, and soon.

The substitute to this problem was his usual way of dealing with stress; an ineffective mix of pacing and dusting. He still hadn't talked to her more than strictly necessary, the tension building up fairly quickly. He only snapped on day nine after the incident, far longer than he'd initially expected.

She'd appeared out of nowhere that morning. "Levi? Can I ask you something?"

Oh god she'd found a dirty pan or some nacho crumbs or something even worse shit he thought he'd gotten rid of all that, he'd turned the house upside down before she'd gotten back, or did he drop the note, no wait, it was still -

"Who's this super-cute little guy? And where's Luca?" she asked, holding up Eren by the scruff of his neck, the tiny cat looking thoroughly confused. Levi exhaled, though sweat still dripped from him by the bucketful.

"A stray," he answered briefly. "Didn't you notice him over the last three days you've been home?" He asked irritably.

Hanji, not missing the opportunity to be overly observant, cocked her head at him. "Say, are you alright Levi-san? You seem, ah, rather high strung."

"I'm fine," though his voice betrayed he most clearly was not. "And don't call me -san, it's weird. Where did you even get that from?"

"Oh? Abrupt subject change?" Her glasses gleamed maliciously, and he felt as though his lungs were sucked dry of all their air. "You are a very predictable person sometimes. Something is definitely wrong."

"I-" He bit his tongue. Inhaled and tried to stand up straighter. And then totally snapped.

" _Ohmygod I totally fucked up I don't know what I did and he's not even that great looking he looks like he's got koalas clinging to his face instead of eyebrows and I don't remember it I was drunk alright-_ "

This time Hanji interrupted him. "Slow down, you're going to blow me away." She pushed her hair back and sighed, sitting down at the table. Levi shuddered at her poor choice of words. "Explain yourself."

So he did. Hanji listened quietly, leaning on her arms as she analyzed each piece of information. Levi felt himself blush furiously as he got to the part that had been bothering him, and dropped his head, almost crying again. He didn't include the part about Erwin witnessing him in tears either.

A long silence stretched between them once he'd finished. Hanji stared at the table, a focused expression on her face. She rubbed at her temples before speaking.

"Have you told Petra?" 

Levi felt his stomach twist uncomfortably at this comment, he'd completely forgotten about her. Overwhelming guilt filled him and sat in his gut like a stone.

"No." The twisting of his emotions inside him was suffocating, part of him wanted to tell her and beg her forgiveness, another part wanted to break up and pursue Erwin, and a third wanted to tear up the note and pretend none of it happened.

Of course, the third option wasn't a possibility, if he did that he'd hurt their relationship more than either of the others.

"I see." Hanji sighed, then added, "Do you want to?"

"Yes." His response was instinctive. It was the least he owed her.

She silently handed him the phone, before retreating to a corner and pretending not to listen. Levi punched in the number slowly, each button bringing him closer to disaster.

The ringing was intolerable, it felt like eons before the other end clicked. "Hello, you've reached Petra Ral, or better known as the best person ever..." she answered pleasantly.

"Petra? I've got something to tell.. you?" He trailed off as he realized it was a recording. Swearing loudly, he hung up and redialled, waiting again to no avail.

Finally, on the fourth try, she picked up. By now he'd formulated a script in his head, including more ways than he'd thought he knew how to say sorry.

"Hello?"

"Petra?" he asked desperately.

"Yes?" She sounded confused. "Is something wrong?"

"It's Levi." His voice was dull.

"Yeah, I figured that out by now. What is it?"

"I-I have something to say.." he began slowly. "And I don't want you to interrupt until I'm done, alright?"

"Ok." Her answer was short, but he could still feel curiosity under it.

"I kind of, er, cheated." His voice was stony, and he was surprised she didn't yell, or gasp, or something in the moment that followed. "It was kind of an accident, and I know what you're thinking, but I was drunk, and for god's sakes it was a guy, alright? I know it's kind of hard to say it's an accident if I was willing, but it was, and I'm sorry." His speeches melted like butter under the heat of the moment. 

Petra was silent. He couldn't even hear her breathing. Finally, she sighed a little. "I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"No, in fact _you_ should be. I've been avoiding talking to you for the same reason."

Levi felt his temper flare, but he put it out quickly. "Who?" 

"Auruo."

" _Auruo_?!" He couldn't keep the astonishment out of his voice. "Are we talking about the same person? Tall, blonde with an undercut, somewhat greasy look?"

Hanji have him a subtle look, but he waved her away. 

"Yeah."

"I see."

Petra gave out a long breath. "Do you still love me Levi?"

The question came out of nowhere and hit him like a ton of bricks. "I mean, of course, but-"

"Answer honestly."

Levi thought about it for a second. "No." His thoughts rolled unpleasantly, making him feel sick. "Are we breaking up?"

"I'm not gonna lie, I think it'd be for the best. This girl sounds nice, and we haven't been too close for ages. It's not fair to either of us." 

Levi didn't correct her on the girl part, instead he forced a laugh. "Yeah." Sounded nice, _bullshit_ , he hadn't said a word about her, she didn't even exist. The person who existed was most definitely not a her. Anger bubbled up in his throat again.

She was just as shallow as he'd thought. 

"Bye Levi." 

"Petra, hold on-!"

She hung up, leaving him to the empty answer of the dial tone.

He slumped backwards, dropping the phone. Hanji reached over to comfort him as he shook uncontrollably. Part of it was rage and the other part was regret. After all Erwin had committed the perfect crime; it took skill to cut, cross, and short circuit all his wires at once.

The tiny slip of paper burned a hole in his leg through his pocket.

 ∞


	7. The Modern Leper pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi sits in a corner in self-pity and gets slapped around a little.

**THE** fantastic thing about the quickly developing world they lived in was how it let you escape. Within minutes after the breakup, Levi had buried himself in books and music, the latter being downloaded (extremely slowly) as he listened to it. It was all brand new too, save one or two albums he'd grown up with, and he'd been so occupied with distracting himself, he'd forgotten to leave his room.

He delved deep into his bookcase, searching for new material. Cover after cover was thrown aside while he chewed through it all, fiction or sci-fi or romance or satire. Everything was a good hideaway from his brain. 

It had been several days since he'd holed up in here, and despite Hanji's more and more regular protestations, he still hadn't phoned Erwin. He probably thought he was dead by now anyways. That was fine by Levi, as far as he was concerned, he didn't want to see anyone except maybe his roommate ever again.

Luca had finally turned up too, hiding under the couch one morning. She had even tried to use him as bait to make Levi leave his bed, eventually caving and bringing him over when he'd made a crying face at her. The fluffballs had become the only company he needed anyway. Humans were so _complicated_.

He was halfway through _The Lord Of The Rings_ series, turning the pages with one hand while rubbing Eren with the other, when Hanji poked her head into the room. She coughed dryly to get his attention, and when he didn't respond, she coughed again, this time louder.

He barely looked up. "What's up shitty glasses?"

"You're obnoxious, that's what's up." Her face looked like she was trying to frown, but she didn't really know how and gave off a more confused aura. "You haven't left your room in days, you haven't left the house in like a week and a half, and from the smell I stopped being able to tell if you're dead or alive!" She threw her hands in the air before striding over and closing the book. "And look at me when I'm pissed goddamn it!"

Levi was shocked. She'd never gotten so plainly _upset_ before, not even when Mike had dumped her. Normally she bounced right back, like a rubber ball. "Well what am I supposed to do about it?" he said, his voice sounding irritated.

"Do anything about it you ass! Or at least get over it!" she screeched, flailing her arms dangerously. "The new semester starts in maybe a month, not even, and you're sitting on your ass reading!"

"I'm in literature you dunce! I have to read!"

She held up the book skeptically. "I read this in grade eight. Please."

"So? Are you actually even going to try and critisize literally the best known series of our time?"

"That's not my point you jerk! Call Erwin, or Petra, or at least someone to pull you together!" She shook her head and then lowered her voice again. "Look we've been friends forever and I don't like seeing you go down the drain like this." 

"Well I don't mind it much. Now if you'll excuse me," he said, flipping back to the page he was on.

Exasperated, Hanji ripped the book out of his hands and slapped him across the face with it, leaving a ring in his ears. He felt several of his teeth become considerably looser, and a steady stream of blood ran from his face. 

"What the fuck shithead?" he said, reeling back and covering his face, but not before she landed another hit. Baffled, he rolled backwards, and she pounced on his pocket, ripping the note out before he knew what had hit him.

The reaction was almost immediate, her sprinting down the hallway to the kitchen for the phone, cackling wildly with Levi running after her. She got there first of course, and was able to punch in the whole number before he could unplug it. Her finger hovered dangerously over the call button, and he froze. If she pressed call, even if he didn't pick up in time, his number would be in their call history. Or worse, Erwin might get ahold of their number. The steady drip drip of blood hitting the tile was the only noise.

Hanji smiled, looking horribly evil as she pressed call. He held his breath, trying to not make a sound. If he could convince himself he didn't exist, maybe he wouldn't. Finally, his senses hit him and he lunged at her, but froze when he heard her say, "Erwin? Hi! This is Levi's roommate!" She practically screamed into the phone, not realizing his Turkish was pretty shoddy and he wouldn't understand half of it.

"What the hell shitty glasses?!" he hissed at her, while she nodded at the phone.

"Yeah, he wants to talk to you, except he doesn't acknowledge it. So I called. Anyhoo, here's Levi!" she said ecstatically, switching to English midway through the sentence. She thrust the phone into his hands, knocking him sideways with the force of it. He shot her a final dirty look before picking up the phone, twirling the cord around his thumb.

He shook his head at her. "What is with you and guilting me until I talk to people I don't want to?" he muttered. "Hello?"

"Hey," Erwin responded. "I hear you wanted to talk to me, after two weeks of silence."

 "No, I didn't," Levi said, a bit too quickly, "Hanji went batshit, hit me upside the head with a book, and ran to the phone."

Erwin snorted a little, his rumbling laughter making him flush red. "So then why did your psyco roomie actually call me?" 

All the warmth in the conversation seemed to die abruptly as Levi fell silent, thinking about Petra again.

"Hey, are you still there?"

He sucked in a ragged breath. "Yeah. It's not important, just she decided to be a shithead and steal the paper off me when I was preoccupied," he lied through his teeth. "I'm probably going to kill her once this is over."

"I hope not, if she just got me dinner for two. Since we're talking now anyways, how about that coffee sometime?" Erwin asked cautiously. "And don't be all like "I have no time" or something like that, since if you really didn't you wouldn't have held on to my note so long."

"How old are you Erwin?" Levi asked, changing the subject suddenly.

"28, why?" He faltered then added, "And why is that important right now? I just asked you out, don't leave me hanging."

"28?" _Shit._ "Well, sorry, but I'm pretty sure we're not going to be such an awesome couple, since I'm only 20. And I have a policy about no more than a 5 year dif -"

"Oh c'mon, please?" he joked pleadingly. "Just one date. I'll pay the bill again."

"..Fine." He _was_ a bit of cheapskate in the end. 

"You're so predictable," he said affectionately, and Levi could hear the smile in his voice. "5 tonight, your front door? Maybe dinner?"

He looked to the clock; it was only 11 in the morning. "Sure thing. 5. And no way would I waste an entire night with you when I could be reading." Hanji squealed from the other side of the room, having pieced together what they were arranging.

"Bring your books. I don't mind watching you read."

Levi practically choked as he snorted sarcastically. "Yeah right. That's not creepy at all."

"See you then," Erwin said sweetly, hanging up.

Levi threw the phone at Hanji once he'd hung up, but missed because she was dancing back and forth around the room. It ended up catching on the end of the cord to spring back and hit him in the arm. "Are you happy?" he asked dully, rubbing his shoulder, met by several squeaks of joy. Even though he was pissed off, he still couldn't fully wipe the smile off as she hugged him. 

  ∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little thing I feel I should mention, this is based on roughly 2009-ish, minus one detail. No cell phones exist, but the rest of the world functions about the same way.


	8. (Not) Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi is a mess, and sorts himself out, with the help of Erwin too of course. A lot of rejection and disappointment. You have been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than my five minute drabble, promise :3  
> A lot of (kind of) romance and at one point (kind of) an internal monologue, so nothing super interesting, buuut, well we'll see how it goes. Also sorry for my bout of inactivity/laziness, schoolwork was cutting in. But to make up for it, here's a long chapter :3

**IT** was about 15 minutes before Erwin arrived, and Levi shaking visibly. He’d been combing his hair back nervously the last twenty minutes, and while what he wore wasn’t particularly fancy, he still tucked a cravat into his collar. Straightening out his shirt, he looked in the mirror and mentally congratulated himself at finding an outfit that looked like he wasn’t trying but still looked good.

He realized just how gay that sounded when put into words a moment later.

 _Well, I guess you could say that’d be about right anyways_.

Hanji burst out into hysterics when she saw him. “You look like a 14th century frenchman!” she breathed between coughing from laughing too hard. “On the other hand, with the way you act, it’s pretty appropriate clothing,” she added, trying to keep a serious face before dissolving into a fit of giggles again.

Levi whumped her around the head with a pillow, making her laugh even more. “Stop it,” he complained irritably. "I'm nervous enough without you bashing my self-esteem."

"Does that mean you actually care about this?" she asked, earning another whump.

"This is worse than where you were setting me up with Petra," he scoffed. Hanji rolled over on the couch and looked at him upside down.

"Reminds me, did you figure out how you fee-"

"She can go fuck herself," Levi said bluntly, a stony expression etched onto his face.

Hanji looked a little surprised by the aggressiveness behind his response. "So then you're mad?"

"Of course I'm mad!" He paced across the living room, back and forth. "What else am I supposed to be? She cheated on me for _Auruo Bosard,_ Hanji. _Auruo_. I honestly don't know how to take that, the guy is about as classy and good looking as a camel, at best. He constantly makes inappropriate jokes with no humour to them, and-"

"Acts exactly like you. Haven't you noticed?" Hanji interrupted. Levi looked as though he'd been slapped. "The guy is head over heels for her, and as for the "camel face" part, he can't exactly choose how he looks. Imitating your constant scowl doesn't do him any favours either."

"I don't pout like that!"

The conversation stopped short when the doorbell rang and Hanji sprung up way too eagerly. "I'll get it!" she shouted, crashing down the stairs. At the sound of the door opening, Levi suddenly had the urge to throw up. He bit down on his lip and pushed the nausea away, but the wave of uncertainty it brought had thrown him off as well. No matter how adorable she thought it was, he still wasn't sure how _he_ felt about it. 

He patted his hair down a final time, then turned around and walked towards the stairwell. When he saw Erwin step out though, he froze.

The tall blonde had lost the trenchcoat and glasses, instead he stood in the doorway dressed in a simple white shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It was tucked into a pair of grey dress pants, and a matching set of grey gloves were on his hands. A deep blue-black sweater was slung loosely over his left shoulder.

Suddenly Levi felt inadequate again, his black jeans clinging too tightly to his legs, light blue shirt too droopy, sweatshirt old and rumpled with age.

"You look great," Erwin said smoothly. "Ready to go?"

_And you were perfectly straight a month ago why?_

He shook his head to draw himself out of the trance he was in. "Sure. Just give me a minute to grab something." He shot Hanji a dirty look, and then added in Turkish, "Try not to talk his ear off or be the ultimate med student and diagnose him with cancer please?" She seemed amused by the comment, glasses almost glowing maliciously.

"Right Levi-san!"

"And stop with the -san thing!" he shouted over his shoulder, to more insane laughter.

He ran back to his room and picked the black bag off the table he'd set it on. Looking through it quickly, wallet, check, book, check, pens and papers just in case, check, he folded up the top and slung it diagonally over his shoulder. He walked out into the hallway again, where Hanji was assaulting Erwin with questions.

"So then you don't actually technically work, or.." She shut up abruptly when they caught sight of Levi. Weird. "Hey, look who's out and about! And with a purse no less!"

Levi shot her a dirty look before going up to Erwin and looking him up and down. "Tacky. As usual," he teased, unrolling his sleeves. "I'm ready to go. Unless you're actually interested in what she's saying?"

Erwin smiled. "Of course I am." His voice deepened. "But I'm more interested in you," he breathed into his ear, taking his hand and pulling him close. Levi was flustered by the sudden move, causing blood to rush into his face.

Hanji was practically jumping with excitement. "You two are so cute! Now go on a date or something!" she squealed, pushing them down the stairs and out the door before Levi could protest.

"Hanji, wait, there's something else I needed to-" he tried to say.

"Nope!" She grinned, shoving them out the door and slamming it behind them.

A slightly awkward stretch of silence followed, before Erwin began laughing. "She really is spirited, isn't she? Such a pity she's not as much of an attractive person as you are," he said, leaning over and pecking him. Levi squirmed a little, not much, but still very noticeably.

"Too soon?" Erwin asked, slightly dejectedly. "Sorry," he said, covering up the hurt in his voice, "I shouldn't be making advances like that so fast."

"It's fine." Levi forced a tiny smile.

"Huh. So you're not emotionless. Now are we going, or are we just going to stand here the whole night?" He extended his arm, offering up his palm.

"Yeah." This time the smile was real. "Let's go," he said, squeezing his hand slightly as they began walking.

∞

As it turned out, Erwin at least had better taste in food than in clothing. The place they went was fairly cheap, but still had fantastic food, and Levi was content to just sit and talk while the sun dipped closer and closer to the horizon.

"You know," he murmured, stirring his coffee, "I don't know why you try and cover it up in English but not Turkish."

"What?"

"Your accent of course" Erwin smirked at him affectionately. "It sounds so sophisticated and smooth. I think it's fantastic."

"It's not so blatantly obvious in Turkish. You'd have noticed that if you weren't so incompetent in any language besides English." Even with his sarcastic statements, Levi found himself flushing for the umpteenth time that night, and he held the menu in front of his face jokingly. Erwin just pulled it back and kissed him lightly on the forehead, causing his insides to twist unpleasantly again. Still, it was cute.

Another couple happened by just as he did, and the girl looked disgusted by the act. She wrinkled her nose, muttering a number of unoriginal insults under her breath to her boyfriend.

Erwin suddenly looked serious, he'd probably not even been able to understand half of them, but he still seemed mortified. Standing up, he said "I'll be right back," before striding towards the two. Levi caught his sleeve, almost falling out of his chair. He looked taken aback. "Hey! Didn't you hear what they said?" he asked.

Levi cleared his throat and chose his words very carefully.

"Didn't you say some things aren't worth fighting over?"

"Levi, that was about money. This is about my pride," he explained tenderly. "They can't get away with calling us out just because we're the minority. If I was some pretty little blonde girl, they wouldn't have thought twice about it." Levi was silent. The more he thought, the more he realized he was probably right. He was new to the whole thing, whereas Erwin had been dealing with people like this for ages. Grumbling, he let his arm go.

"Thank you," he said, crinkling his eyes in a faint smile. "I won't do anything drastic, I promise."

"Ok." Levi went back to his stony expression. Erwin frowned a little before walking off. _It's like every time I try to get closer to him, he pushes me away again._

"Hey!" He shouted after them. "What the hell was that!"

Levi put his face in his hands, pinching the bridge of his nose a little. That definitely counted as drastic.

The smaller of the two turned around first. She looked halfway between astonished and astonishingly stuck up. Her face was petite and would have been pretty if it hadn't been pulled back into a sneer. Her boyfriend faced them too now, eyeing them curiously. He was the stereotypical buff type of guy, his light brown hair similar in style to Erwin's, but a bit messier. The main feature Levi noticed was his prominent and rather square nose.

" _Oui, messiuer_?"

Levi's head jerked upwards. French, of course, the first date he's on with someone new, a bunch of other Frenchies had to show up and be pompous.

"Look, I don't know where you get off," Erwin said, not catching on that they didn't speak English, "but you'd better apologize about what you said earlier."

"Erwin, stop. You're wasting your breath," he said, walking up and taking his arm.

"Levi, I intend to make myself clear and-"

" _Je m'excuse madame et monsieur, mon copain ne comprene pas le français. Il voulait expresser qu'il pensait que ce que tu viens de dire de nous n'était pas acceptable,_ " Levi said. Erwin was looking blankly at him, eyes wide in shock. "Do you want me to run a direct translation if what you say?"

He grumbled under his breath, Levi could barely make out half of what he was saying "...just a bunch of snotty nosed bastards. They're not worth our time."

" _Il veut dire qu'il pense que vous êtes un couple de bâtards et que tes parents t'ont bercé un peu trop près du mur._ "

"Levi!" Erwin stammered, while the woman and her husband looked genuinely shocked. "What did you just say!?" He had to admit, the looks on their faces _did_  make you think he'd said something extremely offensive. Of course, by any other standards, he had, but by French standards, he's barely scratched the surface of the insult collection he collected throughout his youth.

"I said their mother was a hamster and their father smelt of elderberries." There was a ring of mischief in his voice as he grinned up at him. He froze when he saw the morbid expression on his face though.

"Hey, p'tit merde de tabarnaq."

Turning back to the couple, his expression changed back into its usual blank scowl. "Je pense que je t'ai déjà demandé, mais si t'a carrément pas compris, casse-toi. Va tant, j'veux plus te voir."

The man opened his mouth again, before his girlfriend put her hand on his arm, silencing him. "Oubliez les insultes Vincent, il y existe toujours quelques d'osti de calisses," she said haughtily, before stalking off, dragging him by the arm.

Erwin looked puzzled beyond belief. "What was that?"

"Frenchies. Probably not even from France, since I didn't understand half their less-than-polite language." Levi looked down in shame a moment, then back up at Erwin. "I'm sorry for boiling over a little, I made us seem like assholes."

He raised an eyebrow. "What exactly did you say to make her look that pissed?"

Levi laughed. "Nothing even altogether that terrible. I said you thought they were a bunch of bastards, and that their parents must have rocked their cribs a little too close to the walls," he explained in an amused tone.

At first he got no reaction, causing something in his chest to flutter feebly, out of the fear he thought it was stupid or too much, but then his face lit up in a grin. "That's actually fantastic. I don't even know how you came up with that." Erwin managed a weak ruffle of his hair before his hand was pushed away. Exhaling in relief, Levi's heart managed to start pumping properly again.

He only realized a moment later that he was practically curled into his arms, the tall blonde towering over him. He suddenly became aware of how dry his mouth was and how uncomfortable he was. Just as Erwin tilted his head upwards and was about to kiss him full on the lips, Levi pulled away instinctively. "Hey, have you been to this bookstore around here?" he asked, randomly changing the subject. "It's called Dog-Eared Books, it's really interesting, do you want to pay the bill and go check it out before it closes?" Sweat trickled from under the collar of his shirt.

He'd looked put off by his abrupt rejection, but after a moment of thought, Erwin nodded subtly. Insisting he do as he promised and pay in full, he left Levi alone at the table to twiddle his thumbs and think for a few minutes.

∞

"Hey," he said, pulling him up by his arm. "Ready?" A grey glove picked some stray hairs out of his eyes. "Yeah," he coughed feebly, still flustered and a bit confused. They walked in silence down the street, hands apart. Erwin looked pensive, bordering on sour, and there was a sinking feeling in Levi's gut that it was all his fault.

In reality, it wasn't so much the fact he'd been rejected that had been bothering him, so much as the unknown reason why. Then again, maybe Levi was the kind of guy who wasn't fond of romance, or who wasn't comfortable with it on the first date, though he doubted it. There was definitely something eating at him from under the surface. That much he intended to find out, and he had a hint that if he could get him to drink a little, he'd spill easily.

Rounding the corner at the edge of the pier, they slowed their pace, now scanning the shops for a specific one. It was fairly easy to pick out, considering almost everything else was food or tourist shops.

"Here we are," Levi said, tapping the beaten up wooden sign, indicating it was a bookstore. It was too rotten for anything else to be strung together from the remaining letters. "It's not much, but it's home," he smiled faintly.

They walked inside, and the first thing that he noticed was the smell. It was old and musty, but also strangely comforting, glue and paper stuck together, ink running down the pages like waterfalls. Something about bookstores or libraries was they always seemed so serene. "It's a used bookstore, everything in here is somewhat old, so be careful please," he grunted, shuffling down an aisle, barely glancing at titles while he walked.

Erwin wasn't sure where to start, so he leaned backwards onto the doorframe and just watched. "Excuse me sir, can I help you with anything?" A little blonde head, barely taller than Levi, came bobbing down the rows of shelves, though they were still too short for him to identify as male or female. The high pitched voice didn't help either.

"No, I'm fine," he responded in gruff Turkish. Damn his stupid accent.

"Alright." The figure finally appeared from behind the row of books, and Erwin concluded it was a fairly young boy, maybe fifteen at the oldest. His name tag read Armin. "Just speak up if you do then," he beamed, before walking in another direction.

It wasn't a huge store, but there were five or six large rows of books, plus several niches in the walls and corners to get lost in. That wasn't even including the shorter shelves and the piles of recommended books near the entrance. Erwin had lost track of Levi a while ago, and it was getting late. No matter, worst case scenario, he'd wait near the exit to catch him when it closed.

He'd just about given up looking for him, when he saw him checking out a very tattered book in the lineup for the cash. He was dead at the back of the line, and no one else was really around anyways.

"Found something?" Erwin peeked over his shoulder, and Levi practically slammed the book shut, hiding it under his sweatshirt.

"Yeah, kind of." His response was altogether too brief and shocked for his regular personality. From what he knew, it was hard to catch him off-guard.

"Can I see it?" He pried his hands into his sweater, originally going for the book, and Levi only squeezed it tighter to his chest. So he changed tactics, reaching all the way around him and pulling him into a kind of hug from behind. He squirmed, trying to worm his way out of his arms, but Erwin suddenly tweaked his nipple, causing him to inhale sharply and drop the book, gasping.

"Hm. No title?" He picked up the blank mauve and navy book and turned it over in his hands.

"You could have just asked..." Levi grumbled, "And it's a book on human psychology." He looked cute and a little lopsided. Erwin flinched a little; he'd never been great with being subtle.

Instead of apologizing, he just opened the book and began reading. "What's this word mean?" He pointed to a spot near the middle of the page.

"Uh, I.." Levi only looked confused now. "I only know the translation in French, and I'm not describing that to you." He hid his face in his sweater.

"That bad?" he laughed. "C'mon, please? I'll make it up to you later."

"No. It's too embarrassing," came the muffled reply. "I'd only do it in private, and even then, no."

"C'mon." He tilted his head upwards again, and Levi stared back with big eyes, surprise lining his face. Finally, his expression softened slightly.

"It's the word for temptation, kind of, except not temptation, because you really really want it," he grumbled. "I don't know how to say it without sounding even stupider than that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he laughed. He shut the book and handed it back, Levi squirrelling it away under his sweatshirt again. They got up to the counter, where the same kid was still scrambling around, scrawny frame a blur as he shifted through books. He was scanning piles as quickly as his arms permitted, piling on more and more as he went. It looked like he was maybe three percent human, and ninety-seven percent stress at this point.

"Hey Armin," Levi greeted him coolly. Erwin had to strain his ears to understand correctly, even after years of practice in Turkish, his comprehension skills were a bit below par.

A blonde head popped back over the counter. "Oh, hello Levi!" he beamed. "And Levi's friend. Got anything?"

The rest was blurred out as their talking became too fast to follow properly. All he really understood was around the two minute marker they were talking about a Petra for some reason, though he wasn't sure it was a name or the city. Either way, Armin looked reluctant to stay behind the counter longer than strictly necessary. He shouted something into the storage and a tall black-haired Asian girl suddenly appeared.

"Levi, this is Mikasa. She's working here for extra money for university." His voice slowed considerably as he talked now, either out of caution or respect. He paused to make sure she wasn't really listening, then hissed excitedly, "She's about four years older, but still has to listen to me around here because I have more seniority than her!"

"A pleasure," she said, holding out her hand coldly. They shook briefly before she disappeared again.

"So, I was thinking," he said, leaning in to the counter, "since you said something about breaking up with Petra, maybe you'd be interested? She's a lot nicer once she warms up to you." Armin's face was happy, even though the warmth of the conversation had been suddenly sucked out.

"No, I'm fine." His response was curt and polite, but there was an underlying layer of paralyzing anger.

"Suit yourself. Maybe your friend would like her though," he winked. Wait, did they realize they'd slowed down enough for him to understand?

"I don't think so," he grimaced. "He's already got someone he's seeing. And personally, I don't want to see anyone after the falling-out with Petra for a while." Levi shuffled uncomfortably, while Erwin processed what he was saying.

"Who else would you be seeing? I'm just saying she's an option," he said lightheartedly.

"Yeah well, this guy's been trying to get me to date someone. I dunno man, I just need the book so I can go." Levi looked away.

"Whatever. Just drop by sometime if you change your mind." Armin threw his book in a plastic bag.

"Sure. Later." They slapped their hands together, before Levi turned around and walked back to him. "Sorry, we generally catch up a little whenever I come, which is pretty often. I hope you don't mind," he explained, switching back to English. He hid the twisting feeling in his gut under a smile.

"Nah. Hey, there's a place around here where we could get drinks, if you want?"

Levi frowned. "Non-alcoholic?"

"Sure. Almost everything there is," he lied through his teeth. It didn't matter, he had to know the truth.

"Alright. Just as long as I don't get drunk again," he said, putting his hand lightly on Erwin's arm.

"Course you won't. Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

"That's what I'm worried about idiot."

∞

Erwin patted his head reassuringly as a drunk Levi sobbed into his shoulder. "J-just left me. For him! That asshole!" he screamed, slamming a fist into the table. This place was known for alcohol, but he doubted Levi had heard of it. It hadn't even taken that much before he became a drunk mess either. No, the real reason Erwin had brought him here was because he knew the owner, and he'd known he could get them a quiet room if Levi needed it.

"Shhh." He stroked his head, checking his watch. It was way too late again, of course. Mike poked his head in the doorframe, and put a thumb up in the air, to which Erwin responded with a tiny shake of his head. Nodding he'd understood, he withdrew and closed the door behind him, leaving them in silence again.

"And he's not even great-looking or anything, just an ass! Why!" he threw his hands in the air, before Erwin took them by the wrists and put them back on the table gently. Instead of talking, he just pulled him into a kiss, tears streaming from his eyes freely to mix with Levi's. He felt the smaller man push up against him, breathing heavily when he pulled away, groping for more. "Bet she'd love to see me now. Crying, making out with another man," he slurred. "Bet she'd just love it."

Erwin held him tightly, refusing to let him go, and surprisingly, Levi held him back. It killed him a little Levi had to be drunk like this before he could actually become so intimate. Suddenly, the light in his eyes changed, and he began launching himself back at him, this time more passionately. He licked at his neck, shivering, then pulled himself off his chair to straddle Erwin's hips instead.

"Levi, no. We can't," he breathed. It was hard to say that, harder still to ignore the building heat and pressure in his groin.

"Why not? We've done it before." He stared at him with lust filled eyes, before Erwin started laughing. "What?"

"I just realized what word you were talking about earlier. It was lust, wasn't it?" He giggled uncontrollably, the little bit of alcohol he'd allowed himself egging him on. "That would make more sense."

"Does that really matter?" Levi asked, rubbing against his crotch.

Erwin grew serious again. "No. We can't, I can't, I'll never respect myself again if I do," he said, draining the last of his energy on self-control.

"Why?" Levi asked again, looking hurt. His voice wavered dangerously. "Is it me? Do people just hate me for some reason?"

"Levi, no, I promise, it's not-"

"Stop your bullshit. You hate me, don't you." The drinks were definitely lowering his tolerance levels, he could see red beginning to cloud his vision as his annoyance grew.

"No, not even close." He was getting desperate to calm him down; he shouldn't have kissed him. It was too soon again. "I can't. Please."

"Why does no one accept me for who I am!?" he screamed into his shoulder. "Am I not good enough?"

"Levi, please just listen to me." Pieces of his heart started to crumble away as they fell further apart.

"Shut up! _Shut up!_ I don't even want to talk to you Shitwin!" He slid off his chest and landed on the floor, speeding for the doorway, not bothering to even grab his bag before he ran.

"Levi!" _Shit_. This was bad. He slung his own bag, then Levi's onto his shoulder, before dashing out after him. Mike gave him a weird look on the way out, but went back to polishing the same glasses over and over again soon after.

"Levi!" He called out again even louder, exploding out the door to catch a glimpse of raven hair blending into the dark of an alleyway. Not hesitating even a second, he sprinted after him, his damn sweater catching and ripping on something as he ran by. Too preoccupied with the wind at his face, and the matching thump thump of his feet and his heart.

∞

He found him maybe an hour later, trying to disappear in a dark corner, curled up in a fetal position. "Levi?"

A muffled _go away_ seeped through his arms as he curled even tighter, and Erwin squatted down next to him, not caring his pants were dirty from the floor or that he was standing in a puddle of garbage juice.

"I'm not going to Levi. I'm sorry." Poking one eye out of hiding, Levi scowled at him before tucking it away again. His sweatshirt was visibly wet, whether that was from his tears or the puddle, it didn't matter. Erwin bent over and wrapped his hands around him, picking him up. He slowly pulled his arms out, then his legs, and finally, fully uncurled, he was hanging limp and motionless against his chest. He didn't speak, just stared upwards at the stars quietly.

"Levi, I'm going to take you home now," he whispered to him. He didn't wait for a response, before standing up straight and carrying him down the alley like an oversized child.

They were quiet the whole way home. A few odd glances were thrown at them, but no one had really questioned it. It was only when they were getting close to his house that they spoke spoke again.

"They're so pretty."

"Hm?"

"The stars. I said they're pretty." He waved his hands at the sky. "So close yet so far away from us."

"Yeah," Erwin agreed feebly.

His hands drooped loosely at his sides again. "It's funny how things work out. I shouldn't have met you. I shouldn't be here right now, I should be home. I should be someone different." The last part picked at his curiosity as he walked up the driveway.

"How so?"

"There's so many variables. Why did these ones work?" He looked at Erwin blissfully.

"I don't know," he said blankly, carrying him over the threshold and up the stairs.

"Erwin."

"Yes?"

"Do you really not want me?" he asked sadly.

"No." he said sweetly, pecking his forehead. "Of course I want you. But you're drunk, and I don't want to help you do anything you'll regret." He walked as quietly as he could past the first door, assuming it was Hanji's room from the snoring. Gently, he opened the door to Levi's room and put him on the bed, stripping him down to his underwear and covering him with the blankets. Pausing a second, he dropped his bag on the night table.

"Erwin?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you," he breathed, before reaching up and pulling him down for a final kiss, this one on his lips. "And I really meant that one."

Not sure what to do, Erwin rubbed his shoulders awkwardly, before turning around and walking out of the room, shutting the door delicately behind him. He crept down the hallway, then the stairs, the front door locking shut with a sense of finality.

∞


	9. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some dancing, and late night "walking". Leads to an interesting outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, I know some of you really really want smut and stuff, but I'm just not comfortable writing it right now. (Anna xD (personal friend)) I will probably add some later, just bear with the rough building of their story please? It's like in real life you don't just get the green light to frickfrack right from the get-go, and I feel like it's important to focus on their relationship right now, so if you came for smut, I'll just gently redirect you to the darker part of the Archive.
> 
> Fair?
> 
> Also I've been way too busy with my Single Pringles challenge, I'll try to bring myself back to writing this again later once that havoc is over.
> 
> Also 2.0; whenever I write about a song, I try and make it so if you like up your reading to the song lyrics while listening to it, it'd still make sense. Give it a try if you want, I find it adds an interesting quirk.
> 
> Awesome, ~Zor :3

**HE** detested being ignored. Specifically when he'd been the one so reluctant to go out. Slamming down again on the receiver with his finger, Levi slouched over on the table and groaned.

It wasn't like he was mad, he just wanted to know why he hadn't asked him. It would have been so much simpler and easy to understand. The more he got to know Erwin though, the more he learned that wasn't exactly his style.

Hanji wandered in, halting when she saw how discouraged he was looking. Instead of saying anything, she just poked him in the shoulder. She had two cups of mint tea in her hands.

He looked up at her, a surly expression black enough to darken the whole room. "What do you want."

"I made you something."

Levi wrinkled his nose, peering into the glass. "Mint? I like black tea, shithead," he said testily.

"Yeah, well I made mint. Do you want it or not?" Grumbling, he accepted the mug before returning his attention to the phone. He began to redial the number, the empty dialtone making him feel even more ill-tempered. "Can I just ask why you're so dead earnest on talking to Erwin today, when you didn't want to for the past two weeks?" she questioned, a look of slight worry and curiosity on her face.

"Oh fuck off," he said, throwing the phone at the table, making her jump backwards. " _Fuck off_!"

"Jesus Levi, alright, if you don't want to explain then-"

"No, I mean he still didn't pick up! It's the machine again! What the fuck is this shit?" he screeched. "I just want to know why he felt the need to get me drunk, instead of asking me straight out!"

"Maybe it's because you'd have beaten around the bush if he had." Hanji sipped at her tea calmly.

∞

"Like hell I would have!" Levi screamed out of his phone. Erwin flinched visibly as he listened to the recording on the answering machine. It was the third or fourth time he was listening to it, but he was determined to understand it completely. "Maybe I just want to be treated with some respect goddamn it!"

"Have you considered he thought he was doing the right thing, helping you get it off your chest the easy way, while you have something to blame being upset on? It's better than if you were humiliated and crying while sober. Besides that, yes, you would have totally gone off topic. You didn't even tell me about Erwin for days!" Hanji exclaimed.

"Hmph," he grunted. He could hear his finger tapping against the table as he thought about what she was saying. "Still. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not. But there's probably a reason. The thing about this guy is that, the little bit I've talked to him, I can already see he's a complex person, with maybe even as many layers as you." Hanji said. "And if the way he talks is anything to go by, he cares about you, but he's not dumb. He probably knew you wouldn't explain it to him originally."

Levi sighed. "Still, Hanji."

"I know." There was a long silence, and Erwin thought the recording was over, but then he heard him sigh again.

"I'm not mad at him I don't think." Hanji sounded curious.

"Then who are you mad at?"

"I don't know! Myself, maybe." He admitted, hesitating. "I mean I could taste it Hanji, but I still drank it." The steady thud sound of his feet hitting the tiles echoed over the phone. "Maybe I wanted to, I don't know! I can normally handle my alcohol very well, but something is just off lately."

"I think you wanted to," she laughed, before stopping abruptly. "Sorry, sorry, you don't have to look at me like that."

"Look, the point is th-"

The machine clicked, indicating the message had been terminated. Erwin sat back in his chair, breathing slowly, fairly satisfied with his understanding of their conversation. So he wasn't mad, he'd known that a while. That was always a nice place to start, although he was certain a gift of some kind would be a good idea too. Running his hands through his hair, he twirled a pencil pensively in his fingers. He hadn't given much thought to what Levi had said; after all, he hadn't even known he had a girlfriend. And generally breakups do drive people a little over the edge. But now that he considered it a little bit more, he had seemed extremely distraught. And he had been very easy to get drunk, though he wasn't certain Levi potentially actually knew his tolerance levels too well. Either way, something was up, though he couldn't even be certain this wasn't some twisted setup.

He thought back to the previous night and wondered whether it had really been worth it. He thought back to the crying and pounding the table and screaming at the wind, the heavy feeling of carrying Levi down the street, his arms about to give out. He thought about how cold his skin had been as he'd hung, limp and wet, cradled against his chest and mumbling about stars.

Then he remembered the hot feeling of Levi kissing him again and again, and the words "I really meant that one," ricochetting off the inside of his skull. He remembered his tiny smile as he contemplated the infinity of the universe, and the bittersweet sound of his voice asking "Do you really not want me?"

Of course, those thoughts were somewhat selfish, but all the same, he sank into them like quicksand. "Maybe I should have gone to work," he muttered under his breath. Though he'd barely call what he did a job, it did count. The sizeable amount that had been left behind by his parents was also quite helpful though.

Sometimes he'd look out his window and wonder what made him settle for a kind-of condo in rural Turkey, when he could barely speak the language and had literally no ties here. He could have gone anywhere. His mind wandered gradually back to Levi, a stone pitting a hole in his stomach. _My little self-conscious egotistical French douchebag_ , he thought affectionately.

A tinge of sadness mixed with his other emotions though, turning his smile mournful blue. There was no way this would just slide; it shouldn't, and he knew it. He sucked at the tip of his pencil, thinking about how he might make it up to him.

∞

"-at I'm not completely sure what I want. I'm not even sure I like him, forget want to date," Levi said, hanging up the phone.

"Maybe you should give him more of a chance. After all, what did he do that was so terrible yesterday?"

"He got me drunk! He lied Hanji. And to some extent, he took advantage of me."

"Oh, pffft. Unless you decided to do the do out in public, he did nothing of the sort." Hanji's eyes grew thin as she looked into the distance. "Or he's incredibly quiet, but I doubt it. That would mean you'd have to be just as quiet, and I know that's not true."

"Hanji!" Levi's ears turned pink at the edges, but he refused to let the rest of his face flush. Instead he settled for an embarrassed scowl.

She shrugged at him. "It's true though. I don't think anything like that happened. And to boot, you're only saying the bad stuff. What did he do that was good?"

Levi looked faraway as he thought. He shivered, not unpleasantly, though he hated himself for it. The memory of being reassured, Erwin brushing back his hair with one hand, holding him close with the other as tremors racked his body. Warm, smooth lips against his. A hand at his back while he tried to convince him to just give in.

_"..just go away."_

_"I'm not going to Levi. I'm so sorry."_

He felt blood rush to his face as he burrowed it in his hands. "Oh fuck you too," he muttered through his filthy sweatshirt.

"See?" she smiled. "No matter how you look at it, he can't be all bad."

"I know, it's just, weird, I mean I'm not gay, I'm not attracted to guys normally, it's just that I like him," he breathed, exasperated. Hanji listened intently. "It's like I won't love another guy except for him."

"You said love that time."

"I meant like!" he shouted, before falling silent. "..Is it weird I hate myself for this?"

"I guess," she said, putting her cup to her lips. "I think you just have to follow what your gut says Levi."

∞

He knocked three times, then stood back cautiously. The bundle crinkled loudly as he stepped away, and he checked it over a final time, nervously making sure nothing was sticking out.

The door opened just a crack and an irritated eye peeped out. "Yes, Shitwin?" The nickname made him flinch uncomfortably.

"I brought Levi something," he said delicately. Already he was worried about upsetting him further.

"Well Levi isn't home, so fuck off," he said bluntly, closing the door.

"I thought you said you weren't mad on the phone." Levi's eyes widened as realization trickled through his face. _Damn you and your stupid fat mouth Erwin._ "You left a rather loud and angry message on the machine, unintentionally I think. I'm sorry I wasn't home to pick it up," he lied again. In reality he'd been listening to the phone ring off the hook for hours on end, only thinking to actually check the voicemail when it had stopped. He really should clear up all these little lies at some point. "Can I just come in?"

He eyed him a final time, then opened the door. Erwin was careful to wipe his feet on the mat before stepping in, for some reason that made Levi's eyes crinkle happily. He walked up the stairs and into the living room, where Hanji was lounging lazily on the couch, a cat curled into either side of her body. One was the golden brown one from before, the other was a scraggly black one.

"Erwin!" she shouted happily, standing up to the indignant hissing of the cats. "I'm sorry! Did Levi try and murder you? I thought it was the mail, if I'd known it was you I would have answered!" she said worriedly, patting him down and checking for blood.

He laughed briefly. "No, not yet at least. And hopefully not later either. I did being something I hope will soften him up," he said, earning an inquisitive eyebrow raise. He put the parcel down for Levi to inspect, backing off. It was a shoddy wrapping job, but on the other hand, he was no professional, and the wrapping would be coming off soon anyways.

Wandering over, he leaned on the table and watched as Levi picked at a corner of the parcel. "Can I just unwrap it?" he asked carefully, eyes suspicious. "Or will it lie and try to get me drunk too?"

"Levi!" Hanji said loudly, smacking him across the face.

Levi just held the cheek she'd slapped. "If it was anyone besides you who'd done that just now shitty glasses, they'd be dead." Instead of dwelling on it though, he pulled back the top of the paper covering to reveal- "Roses?" His face was confused, the twelve perfect flowers glinting with dew as if they'd been cut that morning. "Why are they wet?"

"They're from my garden," Erwin explained simply. "Here," he said, pulling an empty vase out of the cabinet and filling it with water. "That one is my favourite," he added as he put them in, gestureing to a white one dappled with red at the edges. "It took me years to grow that bush, and even now it only grows for the most part completely white or completely red ones. But that one is a special mix, kind of like you."

It looked pretty on the table like that, unique between the other shades of red and pink. "You mean you've been growing roses for how long?" Levi asked, surprised. "You didn't strike me as the florist type."

"I'm not," Erwin chuckled. "I just have an uncanny obsession with roses. And you." 

Levi felt his breath catch, but refused to let it show. Instead he breathed in slowly, before forcing himself to speak. "Thank you."

"I should be thanking you. You didn't even ask me to explain myself."

"No, I already know. Your motives are easy to understand."

Erwin raised an eyebrow again. "Huh." I wouldn't have thought of myself as easy to pin down, but he seems to be finding it simple.

Levi looked up again awkwardly. "D'you want to stay for dinner? Hanji's got this dish she wants to try out-"

"It's called mante!" she interrupted, practically drooling. "And it's the best thing ever!"

"Keep up that tone and I might start calling you Sasha. So, are you staying Shitwin?" he asked, directing his attention back to him.

"Sure. Can't do any more harm, can I?" he joked, but it might have been a little soon, because Levi frowned again.

∞

Levi insisted he be comfortable, and that was how Erwin Smith ended up sprawled over the couch, sound asleep. One cat was perched on his head, another grey streak nuzzled into his arm. He couldn't help but smile.

"The cats have warmed up to him," Hanji said.

"Yeah."

"So why haven't you?" She surprised him, and he whipped around to face her.

"Uh?"

"You heard me. The whole "Shitwin" thing, and the constant scowl, and the whole I-hate-you approach, when really you seem quite into him."

Levi tried to protest before he realized it was no use. She was right after all. "I don't know. Maybe I'm still hurt from Petra."

"That's a load of shit and you know it."

He whipped around to look at her again. Hanji never swore, not like that. "Then I don't know! I don't know, ok?! Maybe I just don't want to!" Erwin grunted as though he was going to wake up soon, and Levi decided it'd be best to stop talking about him. "So how were your parents?" he asked abruptly, idly folding the folds of pasta around the filling, squares into neat little triangles.

"Tiresome. Wanted to know if I was married yet. Wanted to know why I wasn't when I said no. Mostly just wanted to know why I was wasting my time in med school when all they want from me is a docile housewife with thirteen million grandkids."

"That's rough."

"Tell me about it. Some days I wonder if we're actually even family."

Suddenly, Levi felt a face become buried in his hair. "Anything I can do to help?" Erwin asked, breathing in deeply. "You smell nice."

"You could start by literally getting out of my hair," Levi growled, switching back to English. "Hanji?"

"Just show him how to do what you're doing."

"I like what I'm doing right now," Erwin interjected, whiffing again. "Do I have to move?" He asked, wrapping his arms around him. He would never have admitted it out loud, but Levi actually liked having him hold him like this.

"You fold them like this," he said, tilting his head to look at what he was doing. He picked up each corner of the square and folded them at the top to make a pyramid shape, then twisted it together with a flourish to keep the shape.

"No sealing off the edges, just the top?"

"Yeah. If you seal off the edges, it doesn't cook the meat properly."

"Alright." Erwin moved aside and began folding them into triangles too, though they were slightly less perfect, and Levi kept fussing over them.

"No, see you have to twist them," he explained for the millionth time, demonstrating as he spoke. "You don't just press the corners together."

Erwin just blinked. "But why?"

"Ugh, you know what, just keep doing whatever you're doing, I'll fix them after," he said, throwing his hands in the air.

"You hopeless perfectionist," he said, kissing his temple. Levi didn't so much as flinch, which he took as an invitation to repeatedly continue.

"You know, just because I stopped minding isn't me saying keep doing it."

"Yes sir," he said, doing it again, just because. "But you clearly aren't so shut off as you were before either, are you?"

"What's that supposed to mean you insufferable brat?" Levi glared at him.

"Well, you're not even trying to cover up your accent for one thing."

"So?"

"So buttons. If you were as sensitive as you were before, then you'd be trying like crazy."

"He has you there, Levi," Hanji pointed out between cutting more squares.

"No, it just means I'm lazy."

"Liar. Why else would you be twisting the tops if you don't have to?" Erwin grinned as he deliberately squished the corners together with glee.

"Because that's how you make it."

"No, Erwin is right actually," Hanji said again, "you don't in fact really need to-"

"Oh for fuck's sake you two, stop fucking ganging up on me."

"Speaking of accents, where are you from Erwin? Smith is a common last name, so you could be from just about anywhere already, and you don't have an accent either."

Levi choked so hard Erwin had to repeatedly hit him in he back "Him?" He said between coughs, astounded. "Have you heard him speak Turkish?"

"No," Hanji admitted. "But that says nothing. Even you have an accent in Turkish. It's hard unless you're a native speaker."

"Yeah, well, I'm still somewhat comprehensible."

"I'm from Denmark," he admitted. "But my native language is English."

"That explains the blonde hair blue eyes look," she mused.

"Yeah."

They continued working in silence, until Erwin messed up and misfolded a piece, causing Levi to freak out once again.

∞

It had been a half hour since Hanji had kicked them out of the kitchen, and they'd been chatting in the living room since, Erwin insisting they lie together on the couch. Again, Levi found himself more than comfortable in the position he was in, Erwin's arms holding him to his chest. "So that's really how you ran across him?" Erwin asked, eyes latched on the silver cat curled on the floor.

"Yep."

"I have a hard time he came crawling to you that young, and even more believing he was actually run over by a car," he said, returning his gaze to Levi's.

He shrugged. "I knew a good vet who owed me a favour. Since then he leaves and comes back as he pleases; I lay no legal claim, but I like to pretend he enjoys my presence."

"Cute," Erwin said.

"Like you," Levi agreed, mentally slapping himself for letting that slip. "I mean, like, now with the whole, uh." _Damn it Levi, get a filter_. "Protective thing," he finished lamely.

"Oh?" he asked, before tilting his head towards him for a better view. "Well you're something worth protecting I guess." He was startled by both the answer he got and the wonderful feeling it gave him. On the one hand, he didn't want to get hurt again, on the other, why should he deny himself what he really wanted out of fear?

Making up his mind suddenly, Levi closed his eyes and leaned forward a little. He was met by a positive response as he felt Erwin press back. The kiss was brief and simple, but it still sent butterflies right to the base of his spine.

"That was nice," Erwin said, looking a little confused and shocked, but still happy.

"Sorry, it came out of the blue," Levi looked away, hoping to dear god he wasn't blushing.

"It's ok. That's the first time we've kissed and both been sober, so I wouldn't say it's a bad thing." Erwin's smile was too tempting; he leaned in and began kissing him again. This time he held nothing back, pressing into his mouth as he hungered for more. It was perfect, like this was what Levi had needed from the start, and he only stopped to breathe in briefly before diving back. Why hadn't he done this before?

He arched his back and felt Erwin squirm under him, almost bucking at one point, but he persisted. It was evil, how much he revolted himself, and how much that made him want to continue even more.

 _Nothing_ could stop him in that moment.

"Alright, we're done. Soup's on!" Hanji yelled from the kitchen.

Well, maybe _one_ thing.

"Stop." Erwin moved away, and for a second he thought he saw disgust flash across his face, but relaxed once he realized it was disappointment. "We can't just stay here when we're called to what will definitely be an amazing dinner," he said playfully. "We'll just have to pick up later."

"Ok," Levi whispered. He had to remind himself this man was seven years older, seven years more advanced at being a seductive ass. He had to stop before he got drawn in too far.

Funnily enough, that didn't make him want to stop at all though.

∞

"That was fantastic Hanji." Erwin said politely.

"Needed more oregano if you ask me," Levi grunted. "I guess it was ok."

"Levi!" he snapped, mortified. "Don't be so harsh! She spent hours on it and it was fantastic." "

Don't worry," Hanji said, "I've been living with him for years, he's just saying that to get a reaction out of you." Her point was only really driven home when he looked up sniggering. "I'll be he really liked it, right Levi-san?"

" _Fuck. You._ "

"See? He loved it!" Erwin laughed nervously with the other two, though he wasn't certain why. "You guys wanna play a game in the living room?"

"Sure. How's Uno sound to you guys?" Levi asked, a little over-eagerly.

"Great," Hanji said. "Here, let me get the dishes. I'll be out in a little, you two just set up."

"No, please, let me help," Erwin insisted.

She brushed him away with one hand. "That's absurd, really. I'll do it." There was an underlying grin for a split second, and she hoped they hadn't picked up that she knew _exactly_ what they would be doing. Setting up, more like she was the one doing the setting up here.

"Alright," he said, eyes wide. "Just call if you need help. Come on Levi," he said, gesturing him through the arched doorway.

They really were just adorable.

No sooner were they out of earshot had Erwin just about nailed him to the wall and shoved his tongue down his throat. Levi nearly moaned before he remembered Hanji could still hear them if they were too loud. Stifled choking wasn't so sexy but it'd have to do for now

"You're oddly submissive for your personality," he crooned over him.

"Just because I haven't tried dominating you yet," he said, biting his neck gently. Feeling especially provocative, he brushed along his chest before forcing himself onto him fully. Erwin responded in kind by pulling him so he sat between the wall and his hips, leaning down on him. Their fingers intertwined against the cold plaster, and he felt their breathing practically harmonize as he tried to bring him even closer.

"You're such a tease," he said when Erwin dropped him suddenly, moving away. He wiped at his mouth before following him into the living room again. They sat for maybe all of two seconds though before Hanji bust into the room.

"Where's the game?" she asked, fake scorn lining her expression. "Were you two too busy making out to get the game ready?"

"Of course we were shitty glasses." Levi rolled his eyes, lying between his teeth easily. "Couldn't find the game."

"Uh-huh." She reached into the pile of boxes they had, picking out more than one of them. "None of the three copies we own, eh?"

"Shut up," he said, furiously trying to hide his guilty look.

∞

Erwin lost by a solid two hundred points.

"So what now?" Levi asked, bored.

"I kind of want to go on a walk. Not down to the market or anything, just a simple little night thing. Would you come, either of you?"

Levi feigned a disinterested look. "I might."

Hanji just stretched and yawned. "Well, I'm done. Think I'm gonna hit the sack. You should do the same. Night."

"I think I'm going with Erwin, ok Hanji? Don't freak if you hear the door opening and someone creeping in later?" Levi joked.

"Ok. Later."

Erwin stood and grabbed his coat. Levi reached for his own sweatshirt, earning a curious eyebrow raise. "You were serious?"

"Yeah. Need to burn off that dinner."

"A-alright," he stammered. "Where to?"

"Wherever you want."

Levi grunted. "I don't care really."

"Ok."

They walked out the door, and Erwin tried a subtle attempt to slip his hand into Levi's. He failed; it was blatantly obvious, but Levi didn't seem to mind. Still holding hands, they walked down the street in complete silence. Finally, Levi spoke and broke the silence. "You're too scared. Relax."

"How can you tell?"

"The fact you're breaking every bone in my arm really," he deadpanned.

"Oh!" Erwin said, attempting to pull his hand away quickly.

"Just because it irritates me isn't an invitation to stop either you know," Levi grinned. "So where are we going?"

"You'll see." The night air was fresh and strong, and smelled of salt and summer, so Levi didn't worry. Just enjoyed the moment with the man walking next to him. Erwin pulled out his iPod and rolled through the music, tapping the centre button on a specific playlist. He stuck one earbud in his own ear and offered Levi the other. Accepting it, he plugged it into his ear, not recognizing the song but humming anyways.

Suddenly, they stopped short at a broken down apartment building, overlooking the sea. It wasn't any kind of architecture he'd ever seen before, instead of going straight up, the building seemed to fall down the cliff face it rested on in tiny cubic compartments. There were only about three floors actually above the level of the lobby. Each house was small, but comfortable, and most he could see had a large patio outside, though he couldn't see any roses from here. "It's pretty," he said, stepping inside.

"You don't have to lie. It's a bunch of cement boxes."

"I meant the view, but whatever"

"We're inside," Erwin said bluntly.

"Precisely."

He shook his head, amused, before he called the elevator up. Put a key in the slot next to the little PH sign.

"You live in the penthouse?" Levi asked, and suddenly it became clear why he'd seen no roses.

"If you could call it that, yeah."

The trip was long as the elevator jumped jerkily upwards, but worth the while. They stepped out into a room that was cool greys and whites, with a sliding glass door at the end. The floor was a mahogany wood, deep and smooth, and Levi felt like just stepping inside, he would taint the room with his poor-student aura. A lighter wooden table and matching chairs sat next to a row of counters shaped like an L, and on the other side there was a small kitchenette. An island popped up in the middle, two stools on each side of it.

"Come in," Erwin laughed, "and stop looking like a fish out of water. Here," he said, fumbling in his pocket, handing him some Kleenex jokingly. "Blow your nose in this if you have to cry from the beauty." The jab at his pride made him scowl again, and Levi shoved the Kleenex in his pocket as he stepped out.

He looked off to the sides that were previously blocked off by the sides of the elevator, and he saw a spacious living area, two couches and lots of plants, and, surprisingly, a ferret cage. On the other side, there was simply a set of doors that he assumed just lead to the bathroom and bedroom.

He jumped when Erwin spoke again. "You ok? You look kind of... distracted." Erwin kissed him on the forehead. "Come on out to the patio, there's something you'd like to see I think." Leading him by the hand, they went out on to the enormous rooftop garden.

The late summer sun was just starting to set, a ball of red on the distant horizon. He heard bells chime somewhere in the distance, eight or nine times, he couldn't tell. Probably nine. What was much more distracting than the bells was the hundreds of roses all around him. Every shape and colour that could have been grown there popped out at him, though it was true, Levi couldn't see one other partially white and red rose anywhere. The realization filled him with pride that he was, in fact, special enough. All around the edges and close to the glass borders, roses blossomed. Some were in large cement pots near the centre, but those were more muted pink in colour rather than the spontaneous mixes he saw all around.

"It's... nice."

"Nice? That's all?" Erwin asked, bemused. He pulled him backwards again, making him look at the roses closest to the door. The ones at the end of the line were almost black in colour. "I've been working on these ones specifically too. Trying to darken till they look like they're purple, almost."

"It's all so nice." He couldn't have said more if he'd wanted to. Levi was not a sap; far from it, but this had just gotten to him. It was irritating, no matter what kind of spiked, withdrawn, steel defence he put up, Erwin just wormed his way through it.

"Treat me to a dance?" he asked gently, nibbling his ear.

"Only if you stop that," Levi said irritably. "Then, maybe." Erwin just lifted his arm above his head, twirling him. He felt heat rush to his face as his brain scrambled for a way to react. "I'm not a ballerina!" he squawked indignantly. "Maybe I won't now." Instead of speaking, he just took out the iPod again, putting it in Levi's ear himself and pressing play.

_Right from the start; you were a thief, you stole my heart,_

_And I, your willing victim,_

_I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty._

_And with every touch, you fixed them._

_I_ know _this song,_ he thought, confused. "This is American pop, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Erwin beamed. "I hope you don't mind. It gets passionate later. I really like it personally."

_Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh,_

_Things you never say to me, uh-oh,_

_Tell me that you've had enough,_

_Of our love,_

_Our love,_

The song picked up the beat, and so did Erwin, stepping to the the drums. Somewhere in the mess, Levi's hands ended up lost in his arms.

_Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough,_

_Just a second; we're not broken just bent,_

_And we can learn to love again,_

_It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts,_

_We're not broken just bent,_

_And we can learn to love again,_

Levi rested his head on Erwin's chest, for some reason he wanted nothing more than to cry. He pretended it was wholly from happiness, but something else chipped away at him.

_I'm sorry I don't understand, where all of this is coming from,_

_I thought that we were fine,_

_(Oh we had everything)_

_Your head is running wild again, my dear we still have everything,_

_And it's all in your mind,_

_(Yeah, but this is happening)_

Somehow the music made their stumbling around seem graceful, and when Erwin reached out to twirl him again, Levi jokingly held his own arm up for him to turn on. He wasn't expecting him to do it, or the wild laughter that followed.

_Yeah you've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh,_

_You used to lie so close to me, uh-oh,_

_There's nothing more than empty sheets,_

_Between our love,_

_Our love,_

_Oh oh, our love, our love,_

_Just give me a reason,_

They spun,

_Just a little bit's enough,_

He smiled in the last dying sunlight,

_Just a second; we're not broken just bent,_

Erwin's hand tightened on his while the other crept along his side. That set off several red alerts in his head, and he nearly jumped away.

_And we can learn to love again,_

_I never stopped, you're still written in the scars on my heart,_

Somehow, they were dancing on a rooftop, and Levi had forgotten how they'd even gotten there to begin with. All he knew was he was confused, worried, and overjoyed, and the mix of feelings was driving him insane. He didn't want him to stop, but at the same times this terror kept shaking him up the closer they got, drawing him into a circle of almost-enjoyable hell.

_We're not broken, just bent,_

_And we can learn to love again,_

_Oh, tear ducts and rust,_

_I'll fix it for us,_

_We're collecting dust, but our love's enough,_

_You're holding it in,_

_You're pouring a drink,_

Erwin drew close, close enough he could see every eyelash, and without complaint or protest, Levi knew and accepted that he was happy and couldn't wait, while upset and scared and hesitant all at once.

_No, nothing is as bad as it seems_

And just as the female singer screamed, their lips met again, this time rougher, more carnal desire than he would have liked.

_Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough,_

_Just a second; we're not broken just bent,_

_And we can learn to love again,_

_It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts,_

_We're not broken just bent_

_And we can learn to love again,_

The song trailed out, but he barely noticed through Erwin. He was intoxicating like poison, and addictive like sugar. It was actually frightening, how fast he'd let his emotions go from indifferent and withdrawn, to loving and eager. He pulled back, not sure what he was doing, detaching completely as though he was something else. Not himself. A monster more like, and he paled, looking away quickly while pulling his sweatshirt tight around his body.

"Levi?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't. Not now." He shuffled his feet. "Thanks for coming over. Today was fun."

"Hold on, I thought we had something there," Erwin said, confused.

"Yeah, we did and we do, but right now I have to get home. I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. Bye."

Erwin looked worried, as though he was inadequate. "Bye?"

Levi didn't let himself think twice, just forced himself to put one foot in front of the other and left.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it came out in 2013, but it fits, so whatever. 
> 
> I'm sorry, I'll try to get back on a regular basis to this in a week or so again.


End file.
